Self-sabotage is a real pain in the neck. You set goals and improve your life, and then you find yourself procrastinating, making excuses, or doing things that have nothing to do with what you set an intention for.
The most effective way to spot self-sabotaging behavior is when you notice that your actions DO NOT support your long-term goals and success. You may not realize the impact of this pattern on many aspects of your life, from relationships, career, physical health, and financial stability.
I have been there. I struggled with self-sabotage, affecting almost every area of my life. I wanted to change things but couldn’t seem to get out of my way.
If you can relate to any of this, then you’re in luck because I will share with you some insights on how to recognize self-sabotage and what to do about it.
So, how can you tell if you’re self-sabotaging? Well, it’s simple. Just ask yourself if your actions are aligned with your goals. Are you doing things that support your long-term success, or are you engaging in behaviors that actively work against it?
For example, let’s say you want to get in shape but find yourself reaching for chips and cookies instead of hitting the gym. You may want to find a new job, but you keep putting off updating your resume or applying for positions. If you notice a disconnect between what you want and what you’re actually doing, then that’s a sure sign that you’re self-sabotaging.
But why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we undermine our own goals, needs, wants, and desires? Well, the truth is that self-sabotage is often rooted in negative beliefs and a lack of self-worth. We may not even be aware of these beliefs. Still, they can cause us to procrastinate, be perfectionistic, lack focus, and engage in other behaviors that prevent us from reaching our potential.
Sometimes you respond to your needs but sabotage the results.
Let’s use the same example of losing weight. You might take yourself to the gym, meaning you’re responding to your need to be healthy and feel better, but you come home and eat unhealthy food, which keeps you in the cycle of your current self-identity.
So, how can we overcome self-sabotage and start achieving our goals? It all starts with addressing the issues around our self-identity. We need to shift our mindset from one of unworthiness to one of deserving and love. We need to visualize ourselves as confident, empowered, and capable of achieving our goals.
If you think of yourself as not deserving or lovable, you will unconsciously self-sabotage your actions to keep you in the pattern of your familiar self and ensure the results won’t surpass your identity or sense of self. Addressing the issues around identity is the first step toward healing self-sabotaging behavior.
Whom would you be if you got the results, the love, the reward you really wanted? You would be someone else. Your identity will change.
Of course, this is easier said than done. It takes time and effort to change deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviors. But there are some practical steps you can take to start making progress.
- Learn to acknowledge and accept your feelings. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling anxious, scared, or unsure. Instead, recognize that these feelings are a natural part of the growth process.
- It’s important to learn how to self-regulate. It means you can deal with and care for yourself when you’re feeling negative emotions.
- Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” try replacing it with, “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”
- Set realistic and achievable goals for yourself. Don’t try to change everything at once. Focus on small steps and wins that will help you build momentum and confidence.
- Seek help if you need it. You’re not alone in this. Many resources are available, from coaching, and therapy to support groups, that can help you overcome self-sabotage and achieve your goals.
Finally, remember that self-sabotage is a coping mechanism that the inner child had to develop to deal with her environment. So be mindful of the little girl inside of you and her tender feelings. Connect with her and give her the support and validation that she needs. With time and effort, you can overcome self-sabotage and start living an authentic life.
