Steps to Self- Development
One of the critical aspects of self-development and self-empowerment is developing an ongoing self-awareness that fuels self-understanding. Without this, we feel lost and confused. Our needs are essential to our self-identity and how we show up in the world. When you meet a person with autonomy and confidence, the chances are very high that they can recognize, identify, and fulfill their needs, which gives them the kind of allure that other people don’t have. We all feel attracted to these people because they embody the essence of what we want without exactly knowing where this sense of maturity, self-confidence, and ease comes from.
To begin this journey with yourself, it is essential to map out what we’re talking about here.
Here is a list of the different levels of personal needs we have. It starts with Maslow’s ladder, where human needs were arranged in a hierarchy, with physiological (survival) needs at the bottom and the more creative and intellectually oriented ‘self-actualization’ needs at the top. You can see that once we have established our physiological needs of food, clothing, and shelter, we grow to fulfill the next step of our needs, which are translated into a sense of safety and security.
The image above shows health as a secondary need on the ladder, along with a sense of safety and security. Still, my experience with working with people and my journey is that we do sacrifice our health for security and safety. Most of the time, we must achieve that sense of security and safety that’s so essential to our survival. When you have to pay your bills, you don’t necessarily have the choice to include your health and well-being. Sometimes, many sacrifices are made to attain this level of security.
Once someone feels they have outgrown this level of insecurity and lack of financial safety and social acceptance, something amazing happens in the human psyche:
They naturally become interested in understanding love,building inti
macy and connection with themselves, and working on their relationships. This sense of connection and intimacy with oneself and others may have been neglected or lost in earlier stages. I help many of my clients here understand their own unique survival stories. They learn how they were systematically neglected or harmed in their family of origin and how they were affected by it. This is the start of their personal process of experiencing their own feelings, thoughts, and desires were suppressed depending on the level of deprivation on the previous steps on the ladder.
The result of this work is a tangible development of a sense of autonomy, compassion, and direction. This connects the individual directly to their desire to feel their potential for uniqueness and confidence in one’s gift and capacities. This will propel a journey of self-discovery and social acceptance.
It’s important to mention that we continuously tap into our soul’s potential and gifts on all levels. The only difference is that we have limited access to it because our instinctual needs take up most of the space for our survival. As we grow and develop, we learn to establish and satisfy those needs as a representation of our capacities for self-love, functioning in the community, and motivation to achieve our aspirations and dreams.
On the level of self-actualization, we need to zoom in on our gifts and potential. We need to make use of techniques and understanding for self-discovery and overcoming self-doubt and fear. Many of my clients experience self-doubt and fear on their path to self-development and success. It might be important to mention that self-doubt is a psychological defense, and fear is an instinctual defense.
These two forces are the chief obstacles to greater access to an individual’s creativity, flow, and alignment with their inner infinite source of potential. This is where one decides who they want to be, not due to cultural and environmental forces, but as a true pioneer for creating meaning and purpose by following their own guidance and heart.
This is a place where we take a powerful stance in our lives by accessing the full capacity of our inner voice, experience, and potential. We give rise to what has yet to be created by embodying one true essence and its expression through the unique individual.
Where to start:
1. Self-awareness
2. Learning how to establish a sense of emotional safety and reach beyond that comfort zone, recreating a sense safety again, and repeating this cycle.
3. Understanding your feelings and emotions and the capacity to be with rather than changing, fixing and avoiding or (making yourself wrong)
4. Giving and receiving support
5. Learning to identify and articulate your needs and wants to yourself and others
6. Taking yourself seriously
7. Working on self-sabotaging tendencies or sabotaging relationships
8. Learning to respond to your shortcomings with compassion, love, and understanding
9. Allowing yourself to be mentored, taught, and guided. There are people who are ahead of you on the ladder and can pull you up.
10. Last but not least is TRUST, with capital letters because without it no relationship is possible – the entire symphony of life is made out of relationships.
Feel free to email me with any questions. I’m alway happy to hear from you.
Much love,
